Blog Post

Understanding Me

Janet Paleo • September 14, 2024
      I have a little saying I created using words. You cannot understand understanding until you first understand that you don’t understand. For only when you realize you don’t understand do you have the capability to understand understanding. Understand? I really love playing with words. For those of you who are scratching your head and saying “HUH?”, I will explain. 
To understand anything, you must be willing and able to listen and be with that thing. If you think you already know, you will stop listening and be on to the next topic because you feel like you know this. Only when we take the time to be curious, take the time to really listen with our full selves and be with what is being said, or with the person saying it, do we even have a chance to understand who they are and what is being said. 

       In our fast paced world, our head uses lots of shortcuts. Unfortunately, many of those shortcuts leave us poorer, less informed and not as connected to others around us. When we are pulled in so many directions and by so many demands on our time, we use the shortcuts as it is convenient. It has you lose in the connection if you are not careful. I know several times I was talking to someone at PeerFest and they got distracted and I did not share what I had wanted to share. I felt invisible because people were not listening. They missed connecting with me and I know everyone of them would have been mortified if I told them how much they hurt me. Yet there were some who took the time to connect with me and I found that to be very gratifying. And for myself, I really worked at being present for every conversation I had with people. And I found I was not invisible as I had felt earlier. I was stronger than I thought and I connected with many. So , why does that feeling of being invisible, or that I don’t matter pop up so quickly. 
I know it was an underling message so much in growing up. As someone said at PeerFest, if you are told you are nothing long enough, you start to believe it. In so many ways my mom gave this message. And mom is not telling me that anymore, but I am. So to understand me, I first must understand that I don’t understand me or how my brain works at times I realize I don’t take the time to really listen to me. I am not curious about how or why I do things. I just get mad at myself for doing them. What if I just sat and be with me? What if instead of looking for people to connect with me, I connected with myself. It is thought we are always waiting for the white knight to come rescue us. I have been doing that a long time. There are a few knights out there, but then they leave. The only one who is always with me is me. 

        This is not where I thought this article would go but for me it is better. And who better to take advice from than me to me. When those invisible feelings start to creep in, I am going to take myself to a quite place and listen to me. I am going to get curious about where I am going and just breathe and be with me. If the world doesn’t see me, that is their loss. As long as I can see me. That is what matters.

       I hope this was helpful for you. I would entreat you to understand you. Everything we do has a purpose or we wouldn’t do it. Get curious about why you are doing or feeling the way you are feeling. Don’t allow yourself to give the flippant answer, but really explore with curiosity. Once you find it, then ask yourself, what am I going to do about that. Everything is a choice and we can choose to do nothing. But isn’t that what you have been doing all along? Maybe it is time to try something different. Give yourself the permission to explore understanding you. You are worth it. 

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