Pinball Life

      Putting this in real terms, consider it starts when we are very young. Our first “barriers” are usually parents telling us what not to do. Sometimes we react by doing again and being told not to, sometimes we choose not to do it again and go on to the next thing. Each time we are learning valuable lessons.

      I remember I had befriended a cat who lived in the open field next to my family’s apartment building. One day coming home from school, I stopped to pet my cat. For some unknown reason, she bit me. A life moment. I reacted and ran home. However, I did not tell my mom as she had told me not to play with that cat. She had tales of rabies shots and how much they hurt as they put these shots in your belly. So, I waited to see if I would start foaming at the mouth and what I would do next. To this day I cannot stand to be bitten by a pet. It was a betrayal on so many levels. Feeling unloved, I gave my love to this stray cat who then bit me. A love lost. I had to hide I was bit so I would not get in trouble with my mother and I had to worry about getting rabies. I was hurt, mentally and physically and scared of what would happen next. While this all seemed out of my control, I was making choices, even if they were not good choices.

      I use this example because most of us live a pinball life. Life happens, we react and create a plan not to hit that barrier again. This is what survival looks like. Avoid those things which cause pain. A person you like breaks your heart and you decide never to give your full heart again. An unkind word has you judging someone while beating up and doubting yourself. An unkind word, while you are just as unkind back, can steer you away from doing things you love or taking a risk in life. A rejection from a job or college can have us feel worthless while we rage at the organization or institution who rejected us. You may decide to not count on an organization or institution or apply with a greater degree of skepticism. 

      We were made to survive life. How do we survive? By protecting ourselves from the pain. While this is what we were created to do, just surviving is not enough. Survival is not happy. Survival is not joy. There really is no survival in happiness and joy. When we are just surviving, we often do not see what is available to us. I often tell people who were traumatized at a young age, that ABCs and 123s are not paramount to survival. Of course, they did not learn those things. How could they? They were working on ways to protect themselves from physical, emotional, or sexual danger. Often because of this, people grow to think of themselves as stupid. Education does not equal survival, but it does equal thriving. Just because you did not learn it when you were surviving, you can now. You have survived. You are capable. Will it be harder? Probably. Is it worth it? Definitely! 

      When we begin to determine our path in life, and not just rebounding, we become the masters and creators of our life. When we become the masters, we take on thriving instead of surviving. The joy and happiness from thriving, while not useful in survival, is useful in us seeing the world and ourselves in a different way. By directing our life, we can have our world work for us. We will never stop life events from happening. We will never make all people kind. We will never stop having our heart broken. Yet in directing our life, we do not have to let those events take us down for long periods of time or make us doubt who we are as a person. We can choose our path by choosing our reaction. You survived. Congratulations! Many people who have gone through what you have gone through would not have survived. You are the lucky one! Now that you have survived, begin to work on thriving. Living a life you love. Doing what you thought was impossible for you. Finding all the happiness and joy in life waiting for you to claim. It is a matter of choice.