Finding My Voice

      While this may be true, it behooves us to remember, while we have no control over what happens in the world or control over other people, we do have control over our reaction to the world and other people. We can become angry and yell, or worse. What does that provide for us? Has anything changed because of that anger? Probably not. Did you feel better after getting angry? Maybe, maybe not. Most likely you eventually became angry at yourself for getting angry. Also, if you did something while angry that was unintended, you may find yourself wishing you had done something different. I know most of us have experienced this. I remember getting angry at my boyfriend and throwing a cup. It struck the top of his walnut speaker, putting a gash in it. Instantly, I was mortified. These speakers were his pride and joy. He took such good care of them including polishing them using real walnuts to oil the wood. I thought I was in big trouble, yet he was very kind, which made me feel even worse. 

      In every situation, we have a choice. It may not seem like much of a choice, but we still have one. When feeling out of control, our human reaction is to hold on and control whatever we can. This looks a lot like us making unfair demands on other people, being intolerant, and a whole lot of blaming (if you had only done…, or why didn’t you….) While it may temporarily feel good controlling something else, the thing you are feeling out of control with is going to continue. Also, you can damage a lot of relationships when feeling out of control, not to mention breaking or damaging things you really don’t want to break or damage.

     To choose better reactions it works to let go of what you can’t control, and do something about those things you can. It is the Serenity Prayer and it works. There is a saying in physics, “What you resist, persists.” It seems counterintuitive, but if we can accept we have no power over the event or person, we actually gain control over ourselves. Let me give you a real time example. A person was determined that Prosumers would not be successful. She had a lot of power and did everything she could to end our organization. Since we did not have any control over her or her influence, we lost a lot of our resources. What we did have control over was our focus on our mission and the scale of our operation. We downsized and stayed afloat. We also started looking at other ways of finding resources for Prosumers. That was back in 2012 and we are going stronger than ever today. I might even say thank you to her today. I don’t know if we would have been as ambitious if she had not used her influence. 

     All I am saying, in this world where it might seem you have no control, you do. You have control over you. You have a choice in your reaction to feeling powerless due to outside events or people. Say the Serenity Prayer and ask yourself, “Do I have any control over this?” If the answer is no, then look to see how you can chose a reaction that benefits you and puts you in action to make a difference in the things you can control, because you can. Learn this and you turbo charge your recovery journey.